its not something that i want to feel again. it is something i need to feel. i need to feel her hands against mine. i want to look for the symmetry between us. those hands. i need to learn to hold them like she held me. i need to trace those veins and record the pace of blood streaming at 100 gigahertz. i need to find those eyes and watch them tell nerves at the speed of light that who they're looking at isn't the one that they had stared at years beforehand on that bridge. that it isn't the boy who we sat with, who brushed our hair back behind our ear, who sent us to sleep as the engines fired up or the boy who held our hands. the same boy who gave us his sweater. isn't it? i need to see those lips moving as fast as my heart. feel the air drift from them and create statements that never cease to amaze me. i need to feel the warmth of her keeping that flame lit. all of these things that keep me dreaming, these things that steal my attention at all hours. these things that keep me at an unhealthy distance from the present. this present is unwrapped. but tomorrow still bears its bows. i hope for tomorrow. at the same time, i look back at that patch of blue littered with stars. the same stars that we would try to look at through dense fog and clouds that cased the night in their impossible impressiveness. the same stars we hoped to see 730 days later. 4 months later i wait for a phone call that probably wont ever come. words that i wont ever hear... hands that i wont ever touch.