oh yes, it rains in southern california.

i can't stand it here. lately all i see is notifications of the universe mocking me. moments, scenes, galleries all featuring the art that is reopening wounds. i've done what i can to minimize the unraveling of stitches, but for some stupid reason i stretch in a way the doctor told me not to and the thread comes out and i'm exposed again. smoke stacks will always be my home though. polluted skies filled with filth. the world hates it, but to me it's comforting. i'd love to make a new home, but i hate that i'm going to leave this one even if it is over a year away. a year means nothing in the span of the universe. the earth took millions of years to develop livable conditions. the bottom line is, i'm scared. my fright is nowhere near the level of seniors though, i can imagine. some people i've forced myself to stop caring about, mostly because i can't stand to keep myself inside in their lives and them in mine any longer because of all the silly things i involve myself with. also, i think it's a dose of the real world. not many people hang out with their ex's. (i don't think) it's easier to move on by means of forgetting. don't you think? some people that don't know me approach me and think i can sing, or that i've taken lessons. the only way i know is singing along with radio disney on a 20 minute commute to torrance every morning. it's what i do. i take what i've done, what i do, and what i will do and put them into verse. and i sing them to people, in hope i suppose that someone will hear the words and feel unprecedented empathy. maybe someone will know exactly how i feel and will be able to speak with me and to me. perhaps, that's what i'm looking for as an ultimate conclusion. someone to speak to me. "the world is moving everywhere but here." isn't that the truth? that's what it always seems. but i'm living the dream. i'm getting decent grades in an above standard high school in beautiful southern california where we all live next to movie stars, playing in a rock band where i get to sing to peoples faces with sun glasses on so they can't see the shame lurking behind my eyelids. beautiful southern california.