a goodbye for goodbyes

the thoughts that cross my head. they fly, and search for some sad place to inhabit. they begin to dream themselves up and tell of their detailed accounts. a lucid being, of birth and feeling. I scrape together the remains of words that echo through this cavernous deserted high school auditorium. and all of a sudden, i'm frozen. i freeze like someone has called out "red light!" I watch the song flee from between my teeth as it flutters quickly like my heart. fluttering, flapping as if trying to escape the fate of falling onto ears of the unwanted. but they've no such luck. my artful decomposition kick starts again, the key is turned, and i'm ignited. thank God that your jumper cables can stare at me as if i'm some sort of plague ravishing and decimating your world. i can't help but stutter while deleterious syllables shape from the edges of my mouth... while adjectives drip over the beyond chapped skin on my lips. the same skin that peels daily leaving me wounded and scarred. tell me. ask me.  wonder. inquire. how far does this go? you do no have an answer, you do not always have to know. but give me some slack because this rope is far too tight. i killed you, but you're choking me. however i suppose that you've endured this same sad sack of a life. peaking at the age of 16 and 5/8. you've choked, you've drowned, you've been shot straight through your glorious.glimmering.beating.heart.

you've kept secrets too my dear. 

palpitations couldn't describe how my stomach has fallen like a lead pipe through a wooden floor, or how my throat is clogged up by the red and blue outlined cluster of love. but we're both down. we're both dying, dying of everything, dying of a figure 8. but i will not waste my breath on it. my oxygen and carbon dioxide are much better used on things of sense. but oh, it's so, so precious. the way the both of you creep with SUCH grace. and yet, this cold lugubrious morning filled with fog forces nostalgia down my throat with a falcate tone. i struggle to vacate but my mind wanders...i'm deconstructed , and oh too soon overwhelmed by the contact of opposite's lips, crashing walls of water, and fingers that some don't consider fingers rushing around a key pad to quickly tap out my excuses. never knowing quite what we were thinking, hardly expressing a thing in this deep dented rupture of cellular devices. tell me everything that you 're thinking, every single detail, your problems, the people that you hate. i'll harness them all inside of my arms. carrying the weight to the bottom of it all and letting go. i'll pour out the contents of this chipped coffee cup. and as i carry vowels and consonants around, burning a hole through denim this early in the morning. I'm deleting my figure 8.