i'm sure we've all made mistakes in our lives, and some pass by like chances that slip away from day to day, but some mistakes act as a marker in your life. some haunt you for what could very well be the rest of your godforsaken days. when you do something wrong, you can apologize and hopefully things will level out and the scales will find that zen-like balance again. but it's when you apologize, and nothing happens...that's when you have to drop down to your scraped knees and pray for something. i have done something terrible, and i fear that i'm only going to keep making these mistakes. and that scares the fuck out of me.
i wonder what hate letters and threats would do to someone who isn't me. i wonder what messages that scream loathesome details and wishes of loneliness and eternal unhappiness would do to someone that doesn't think things through to the smallest detail and act on reason. at this point, i think i could deal with the situation if i were the one who was betrayed. but i'm not. i'm the one who did it, and i have to live with that. i honestly think that my conscience lives inside my heart, and knows when i do something inconsiderate, or even mull it over in this infernal head of mine. it knows when i fuck someone over, do something untrustworthy...and it punishes me.
i would laugh if my life were any more like a movie. i would love to see everyone despise me, and cast glares at me. i would gladly catch it all. throw it.
careful what you wish for.
2 comments:
don't worry. hate letters disappear after high school.
don't worry. they don't disappear. they just hurt less. sometimes they are funny.
Post a Comment