and i drove.

i left school today to come home and take pills for my aching sore of a mouth. i left the house
and i drove.
i hopped in my '96 Honda Accord and hooked up my iPhone to act as an iPod like i always do. i threw it in reverse and checked for cars coming up the street or turning wildly around the corner. they always come around that corner like they're Speed Racer or something.

drive.

soon enough i'm barreling over grand st. and wouldn't you know it, the big blue diamond encrusted mass of salty water breaks over the hill. it splashes onto my eyes like the bright piece of jewelery glimmering over eastern snowy mountain tops. this is a sight i thought i would come to miss mere days ago. the way things are going though, it seems i'll be sticking around the sunbathed little state a little while longer.
a transfer program.
it would save us all money. i could take two years of Berklee certified classes here at Fullerton. but the idea of attending school there makes my stomach churn as if the heartbreak wasn't enough. it may be childish of me, but i don't want to go there. i want to go to Berklee. don't we all deserve to unleash our inner child every now and again?
i want to pout

scream
cry
run
sleep
die

"life isn't fair", they say. that is something that i've learned over the years, but that doesn't stop me from wanting otherwise. the next Berklee audition is in December, which means i would have to take summer school classes to fully catch up on what i need to learn in time. sometimes i think it's a shame i'm not more of a fighter. i could just join the army and be shipped in a box labled "handle with care". "this side up" it would say with the arrows pointing toward the ceiling of that stupid cargo jet.
sometimes when i unload my belongings from the '96 Honda Accord, and struggle with my metal things on metal rings, and open the door, and toss it all on the ground or the table... i see my cat. when those big ignorant eyes stare back at mine, i can't help but wish i was him.

nothing to worry about. people feed me. people bathe me. i bathe myself. people play with me. all i have to do is speak and they talk back to me. i don't even have to use words they understand. lie around belly up in the sun. smell this and that and just sleep for eternity.
that's what i could use. i could use some sleeping for eternity.
let's sleep.