edit.

so this is what it all comes down to huh? this is what i've been looking at in the mirror, what i've seen in the reflective glass of office buildings. this is what i've become.

a dimmer switch.

i'm the last trace of pain you feel that instant before you hit that epiphany. the one that tells you it will all be okay..that it's better this way. it happened for a reason.

i phase out slowly like nicotine fleeing from your body. i'm that steady concentrated dose helping you move on with your life and forget what was once flowing through your veins like a bloody substitute. i can't say i'm proud of my position as a patch, but "i am what i am."
this spiraling whirlwind of images dancing about in my head and forming a black hole in my stomach is something i don't think will ever leave, and i've come to accept that.
so the only thing i can do is reach in twist my arm. rattling my fingers around in my torso, reaching for some sort of origin. slipping and tripping over my intestines and holding my heart in a crushed and feeble hand.
there's no formula to this equation, but we'll all just keep trying.