supernova

the heat has finally found me and my messy unkept Sunday hair. it's no ordinary heat though, it's that special kind of summer heat. the heat where even if you take your shirt off and jump in the clear water, you stick. this summer the sun and I have been getting closer and closer. we've been getting to know each other more and more, and I'm letting her inside. the only trouble is, the closer she and I get, the more I melt. it's great though to have someone that burns your skin from 92,955,800 miles away. I know that there are other planets circling her besides mine, but somehow I know that only my planet matters right now. what I would give to walk on her surface, or consume one of her stellar bursts.

this galactic anomaly has grabbed me by the heart and injected electromagnetic radiation into my hard-to-find-spider-web-veins. as my fingertips stretch outward toward her ultraviolet face like her very own solar spikes, my blinds are pulled up and my shutters slammed open.

i'm here beckoning the sunlight into my dilated pupils and hands and throat and heart.

and here I am bursting with sunshine.

enough light power and energy to make you happy, rummaging through my body and blasting outing of every orifice she can possibly find.

my skin begins to break and crack like a frozen pond disturbed by a foolish child, and I

explode to my heart's content. I've become what I have always loved.

I am heat light power energy stellar sunshine.

Am I

blue lips, blue veins

blue: the most human color.

translated:

And it dawned on me. It's all about translation. Everything you sing, breathe, talk, scream, and live about depends on a translated foundation. If something doesn't translate well, you have nothing. You're lost.

a familiar drive

Why would I throw my lifeless body into something that I've seen people die from? I find myself and others frequently convincing ourselves that we're a different story. It won't happen to us, because we aren't them. How foolish we can all be for that. Ragdolling down the countryside into what will surely be my end, my limbs flop and twist in undersirable contortions.


In my dreams, I wander. It's no different than what I do in my conscious state, but in my dreams I feel no shame. When I'm awake and answering questions I feel guilty that I don't know what I want. My dreams however leave me wandering down empty corridors. Aged pillars decaying and crumbling left and right as tiles crack under the weight of my indecision. Here it comes.

cringing.

i wasn't that star. i didn't explode. i still do laps around galaxies, but now they're not so close... they're farther away these days. watching the lives of others and their dreams falling all around them like dirty recycled los angeles rain drops. that water is thick like blood. blood that runs down steep palos verdes and beverly hills driveways into the gutters where we've all slept once or twice by now.

i want to know where you swim at night. what nebulas you frequent. which stars you love to watch explode. and most of all, what planets you want to destroy. i can help you decimate celestial beings. let me.

these songs that you've chosen for me are something deeper than i probably know. but my very thinking about that possibility leaves me wondering if they're meaningful at all or if they're simply melodic constructions held together by chicken scratched lyrics on loose leaf paper.

write me something scary.

write me something beautiful.

just don't stop writing me.

today is a day that's just like all the others. however, it's a day to remember in my book. today is the first day that i can breathe. and it feels good.

songs worth singing.

killing just to kill something,
just to remind me that i can.
i've lost my memories of faith
there are thoughts that i can't stand.
on being cast out of a house,
a palace on our sides
constructing corners, pleading coroners
a man caught me with my pride.

i've been throwing rocks at panes
but the windows have been wrong,
i've been missing all these nights
but i've learned the words to all the songs.

sing these songs.
please, sing along.